My health is deteriorating. (stomach still stirring now as usual) I get tired very easily. No energy to exercise. =/
Suddenly I think of him. Should I let him know what's happening? Does he still care?
No msg from him since..countless days ago.
Maybe I scare him off. Shrugz. Never mind then. But though I wanted to let go, I still look at our neoprint on my lappy everyday. Silly me.
Tomorrow is the day when the truth will be out. I don't pray for the best. In fact I wish..it can help me be relieve of my unhappiness. I wanted something to happen..so I can be off..prepared and peacefully. I just want my parents to be healthy. In the meantime, I want to earn more money so I can give to them when I am off.


Everytime my mum sees me, she'll call me baobei and hug me.
Just when she did that just now, I suddenly feel the love, security and comfort in her arms.
I have nothing in this world, except her.
Nothing have been going smoothly for me since young, I guess she's the gift that God gave me, to make up for all the bad things that I have met in my life.
I seek refugee in her. Whatever that happens, I just want her.
I love her. more than anything else.
I live because she is there.


As I was typing this entry, my stomach is there STIRRING away like nobody business.
To those who were not aware of what was happening to me, well I had been sick. For the past 3 months. Now it got worst.
This stupid don't know what kinda illness had been turning my life upside down. Firstly, I had not been doing well in school attendance and projects. I had failed terribly in my expectations in this area.
And I had already taken 3 weeks sick leave, felt terribly bad towards my students. Esp those who missed me and wrote me a get well 'card'. Super duper sweet of a 4 year old ok.
Today finally went to do a full body check up. Drew out my blood, going to do 23 tests. The medicines were expensive. All in all $200. After that been terribly sick, lied on bed whole day did nothing. For once I did not exercise for a day. Record breaking. Felt soo fat.
Ya fat. I grew double in size. This stupid illness is making me put on weight. Like crazy. I hate you. I don't want you in my body. I don't need you to stay in my stomach and stir, for whatever reasons. You better get out now. (I'm acting brave. But I knew I'm surrending to you. You win. I don't want to suffer anymore. Let me die then.)


It was my first time there. Food was limited but still not too bad. The durian puffs were FANTASTIC!!! Real durians. I guess thats the only food worth mentioning haha.
Anyway. The main issue is not the food. It was who went with me. Right? Haha.
Nah its not my boyfriend. (I don't have one) Its not someone I like. (if only) Its not someone who likes me. (Wait long long!)
Its a new group of friends. Teacher Cindy's cell group friends. They were great! Had a great conversation with the people sitting around me, and many came by to just drop me a few words. I could not remember most of their names. Though they remembered mine very well haha.
Teacher Cindy's best friend is Vivi. I thought it was a special name. Maybe I can be called Wiwi? Hahaha. =p
She is a journalist, a very pretty and attractive lady. Nice smile.
Another deep impression friend is Li lian, aka ah lian. She is very sweet too, and don't treat me like a newly known friend. I remembered she said, "Go ktv with us la, we sing the S.H.E. song together? Puo Si Mao? I only know how to sing that haha". So cute right? =)
Next, I also knew a swimming instructor! Who runs his own (sort of) swim club. He has a few teachers under him. He asked me if I was interested to help him. Well, I was. If the pay was good and the time more flexible, I believe its worth it? So sorry to aps, last time I held on to the belief that I should 'yin shui si yuan', but now..I also don't know how come my mindset changed.
Oh ya! There was another guy who looked like Jay Chou!! Really!! Totally alike, just that he was the..fa fu jay chou haha. Everyone called him Zhou Fei Lun! Hahaha. His name is Steven, a DBS consultant! Cool job also right, quite a catch. Haha. =p
I could remember all the other faces well, I just don't know their names. They were all professionals, earning quite a sum of money. So cool.
Well, it was a fruitful night, knew so many cool friends. Plus an instructor who might changed my career path! Haha. Hope to see them again!


Today marks the end of all house visitings.
But I only attended 1 day of visiting. All because I was not feeling well. Physically and mentally.
I feel bad you know. I really do. At the moment when I was not well, I did not think much. I just went my way, like my stubborness. But now, I feel bad. Feel sorry to all relatives.
So far, this year had not turn well for me. Cried for 3 days out of 4 days of CNY. Everything just don't seem to go right. I guessed the rest of the year going to be the same?
Pessimistic me.


You did not keep your promise.
You said you'll stand by me during this crucial period.
You said you'll not abandon me.
But where were you when I am in pain?
I don't expect you to be here physically for me.
But where is your heart and your soul?
You just left me behind.
I am disheartened. In fact more than that. I can't find a suitable word to describe my feelings.
I should have given up.
But you seem to be important to me. I don't know why.
I hate this.
I want to let go. Please let me have the power to forget.

Her

Altimate moodswing cum stubborn ger
Age: Turning old
Love my parents.
Love children.
Love swimming.
Love to teach.
Love dancing.
Pessimistic.
Escape-ist.

My recipe

How to make a winnie

Ingredients: 5 parts jealousy 3 parts crazyiness 1 part empathy

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Serve with a slice of lustfulness and a pinch of salt. Yum!